: Derek's Diary

Good grief its Derek's Diary

Iddy Biddy Weddy Viddy Cam Hat MkI

Introducing the Iddy Biddy Weddy Viddy Cam Hat MkI™ or IBWVCH MkI™ or, even better, the Cam Hat™, an exciting new innovation from Derek Pye, The makers of the Cathedral Dome Flash Diffuser™.

In times like these, with the Insane Fiscal Destabilisation Crisis in full swing, the sensible bride and groom will want to save a bit of cash wherever possible. The obvious thing to do is ditch the idea of a wedding video.

But wait, what if you have no taste and still want a wedding video. Oh what to do, what to do...

Don't worry we've invented the perfect solution. The Cam Hat™ fits to any normal oversized head. Photographers can now offer wedding video as a bolt on extra to their already imaginative packages. Because the IBWVCH MkI™ is worn by a wedding photographer, the Cam Hat™ has a massive advantage over traditional wedding videography - you get never before seen interesting footage that would be impossible if shot by an conventional, overweight videographer!

CreditCrikey - We're closing in

CreditCrikey - at last. I’ve been predicting it of course. Ever since that night in the boozer two years ago when I invented credit card snap. The rules were quite simple. Draw a card out of your wallet and place it on the table. Your opponent draws a card and places it on top. When you get two Kwik Fit Auto Charge cards or maybe two MandS Simply Food Gold cards, shout ‘snap’ and you win. The loser buys the booze. I packed it in as I always seemed to lose, probably because my hand to eye co-ordination is rated ‘spastic’ by medical professionals. It did however occur to me that if some of the idiots down my local can get a credit card then there is something amiss. And lo, it came to pass...

Derek’s Law - Videographer check scheme launched

LONDON (Reuters) - Wedding guests in four areas of England will be able to check whether upcoming weddings are to be filmed under a pilot scheme launched on Monday.
The initiative allows police and probation services to disclose some information to guests about people who are known videographers.
But the scheme, which will operate in Cambridgeshire, Hampshire, Cleveland and Warwickshire, does not go as far as the so-called "Derek’s Law" in the United States which allows local identification of wedding videographers.

Mystery Image of Christ Found on Wedding Group Shot Photo!

Jesus Christ. Its always nice to get some feedback from a client, but complaints although rare are sometimes difficult to deal with.

“ Dear Mr Pye – the world’s greatest living wedding photographer. It was great to finally get my wedding photos after all these years. Especially as my first husband has been dead since 1974, still its nice to see all those old faces in grainy black and white. You just don’t get prints like that any more. However I do have one query, several people have pointed out that they can see a vague image of Christ in one of the group photos taken outside the Church and since the local paper has picked up on it I’m inundated with pilgrims from all over the world. They are really getting on my nerves and messing up the front lawn.

There must be about 5000 people out there now.
Is there anything you can do to rectify this, like photoshopping the Christ image out of the picture?

Kind regards


PS. Offending photo attached “

Mad bitch – I can’t see it myself so I sent out my stock answer to this kind of complaint.

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