The Rules of Photography: Less is more and it’s also less work
Photography is about rules, rules and more rules. You can't be a top professional husband and wife wedding photography team unless you know the rules. Breaking them will break you and lead to a life of misery and pain. Here are a few of the basics.
The Rule of Thirds - You may have heard of this one and the accompanying myth that it's got something to do with composition. No no no! That's what we want you to think. The rule of thirds is the rule that any fees or associated costs go up by a third when anybody mentions the word wedding. Never break this rule or I will come round to your house and kick your head in.
The Ten Second Rule - Obey this and you'll save thousands of hours in post production. It's a trick dating back to the days of film. When you are out shooting a wedding it's tempting to snap away. After all you’re shooting digital so it's not costing you anything. Wrong! The more you shoot the more hours you have to waste sat at a computer looking at the bloody things. Here's the trick. Every time you are about to take a photo, count to ten. Think. Is this really any good?. Is this a great photo? 99.99999 times out of a hundred it won't be so don't take it. You've probably missed the moment now anyway. I used this rule at a wedding recently and returned home only having shot 9 photos, and two of those were when the camera went off accidentally as I was lighting a fag. This saved hours in post-production. Less is more and it’s also less work. The Ten Second Rule also allows time for the bridesmaids to tuck their tits in.
Golden Hour - Nothing to do with the light. Golden Hour is the time between the start of the wedding breakfast and the beginning of the first speech. During Golden Hour you will find your wedding photographer in the bar drinking your free booze. Photographers call this time Golden hour as there is nothing more beautiful that being paid to drink free booze. Not to be confused with a golden shower, which is something to do with the mother of the bride.
The Inverse Square Law - The amount of grief you will get on the day is inversely proportional to the clients bridezilla rating. Multiply the number of emails you have received from the bride by the total number of answer machine messages. Add in the number of rows in the spreadsheet the bride has just sent you. If you are at an ethnic wedding you also need to multiply by the number of Aunties.
The Circle of Confusion - This refers to any group of hobbyist prosumers at a wedding. You should attempt to create a Circle of Confusion as often as possible. The easiest way to do this is to set up any shot which the hobbyists consider an exciting photo opportunity, the signing of the register for example, against a window. Any prosumer will freak out when programme mode fails to cope with the backlighting. The resulting fuss is a Circle of Confusion. This is for the photographers amusement only.