I've had a lot of hobbyists asking me to elaborate on the techniques used in Reportedge™ wedding photography so I've decided to answer a few of the most common questions in this guide for idiots. One of the main queries is 'what lens should I use'.

One thing I've learnt in my many years at the top of the wedding game is that the best way to ruin a wedding, the sure fire method to guarantee that you will remember your big day as a tedious event, is to book a videographer. There is no such thing as a professional wedding videographer. They are the most boring, worst dressed, uncreative, shifty, smelly, untalented, self-important misanthropes you could ever have the misfortune to meet. And you've paid for them to come to your wedding! A wedding videographer will be so unsure about what he's doing that he will arrive 6 hours before the event and immediately set up three tripods...

The wedding season has really kicked in now. I had three at the weekend, the wife did one and fortunately I had e-mail from an asylum seeker on Friday asking me to help him get work. I threw him straight in at the deep end, leaving me to relax at the flash one in Catford. I had an excellent time - lovely bit of booze on offer, but I messed up by not grabbing a glass as soon as I arrived at the reception. This is really important as once all the guests arrive, the waiters switch to topping up mode and it can be a real pain trying to get a glass. When the meal started I was overjoyed to be seated with... 

Reportedge™ is probably the hardest style of wedding photography to master. Couples should be aware that lots of wedding photographers will offer Reportedge™ but very few can even pronounce it, let alone shoot a wedding correctly.

It all started back in '87 when I first originated the style and opened the world's eyes to this new and innovative approach. Weddings by their very nature are usually quite dull affairs. Wedding photographers normally ruin the day even further by getting the ushers to throw their hats in air and asking the bridal party to run up down a field holding hands. Reportedge™ changed all this and many photographers tried to emulate my style. The key thing is that you have to blend in. My chameleon like qualities are legendary. I had an e-mail from a client this morning whose wedding I photographed last August.