Shooting weddings gets more demanding and complicated every year. There is always some new trend or fad to get your head around. Recently I’ve found that the unexpected return of massive meat-eating dinosaurs to the UK is playing havoc with my carefully planned and executed wedding memories photo-art shoots.

Who’d have thought that after 200 million years of extinction, dinosaurs would return, only to spend their Saturday afternoons at some sorry excuse for a venue in Kent. Mentalists!

Dinosaurs are big and dangerous and have a habit of turning up at the most inopportune moments. Last week as the bride and groom exited the Church they stepped in a steaming, freshly laid, Tyrannosaurus Rex stool that had been deposited on the doorstep. Poor bride stank like Jurassic dung all day.

I had a terrible nightmare last night. Terrible, terrible nightmare. It was just a normal day really and I’d gone to bed after a bit of a session down the Pawleyne. I guess my mistake was eating cheese on toast when I got in. After 10 pints, 4 double vodkas and red bull, a bottle of wine, 4 or 5 lines of charlie, some Mandy, a few of those pills from that nice man with the suitcase and some magic mushrooms I tend to feel a bit peckish and cheese on toast always hits the spot.

I am woken by the phone ringing. It was my assistant and right hand man, Muktar, “Mr Pye, Mr Pye, I’m outside. We need to leave for the wedding!” Shit it! I had no idea I had a wedding to shoot this morning but it does account for all those missed calls and messages from the bride last night. I’d better get going. That last bit wasn’t really part of the nightmare and is in fact a pretty realistic depiction of a normal Saturday morning round at my Unobtrusive Manor. This is when it gets freaky. I try to pull back my black satin sheets and realise that both my hands are broken. Shit it! I struggle out and make my way down stairs. I’d put my shirt in the machine to wash the previous night but not only had I forgotten to take it out there was now just a huge bloodshot eye staring out from the little port hole window. Nightmare! Two broken hands and a Kraken in my Miele!

So the bride asks where is the confetti shot and I say like yeah here it is. Sorry I missed it in the air but I was in Costcutter getting some fags.

Fortunately I had a bit and put it on the bar and made this art work and you can remember the confetti and the bar at the same time and I have cigarettes.

All the best Derek.

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"And I have Cigarettes" 16x12 fine art print by Derek Pye 2013

LOL Rockin’ wedding OMG!!. Like bonkers, Derek Pye and his assistant, Muktar have just finished shooting their difficult 3rd rock ‘n’ roll wedding. Sneak peak tweeps on the blog.

 Arriving early at the fab venue to meet the gorgeousness that is the bride [actually my friend Katie], Derek and Muktar trashed the bridal suite and drove the white Bentley into the hotel swimming pool. LOL. We put the bride’s mum in the boot for extra rock 'n' roll ROFLS.

 We absolutely love shooting weddings and loved shooting this more than any other photographer could possibly have loved it. Love it, love it! Gorgeous, Hon!!.

 How did I get into photography? My Grandad probably gave me my first fab camera when I was just ever so little and I, well, just loved it!!! My Grandad was a twat LOL but the lovely camera was just WOW!